Can't Keep Things Up To Date Here

I started my original blog at wordpress and I like it there for the most part. However, I follow so many blogs here that I thought it would be easier for someone using blogger to see things here. I was going to make this a mirror site.

I'm unable to import my blog from wordpress to here.

If you are interested in reading, my blog address there is www.ourquad.wordpress.com.

Why Does She Try To Make Everything About Her?

I honestly do not understand how Kitten can come up with the conclusions she does. I do not understand why she has to try and make everything about her.

I know she does this and I went the extra step today to try and avoid that this time. It isn't just with me. It is with all three of us...and at times everyone in general.

I have a couple of commitments this month and they are for times we normally all spend together or would like to. I thought I had communicated with all of them personally what they were and that I wouldn't be able to do the normal things. And I have them on our shared google calendar...which is becoming pretty obvious that no one pays attention to. When it became clear that one or more of them had forgotten what I told them or maybe I hadn't gotten to them in the telling, I sent texts to each one of the at the same time explaining what my commitments where, when they were and that my commitments shouldn't interfere with the three of them going ahead with any plans in the works. I was trying to be nice and reassuring. However, since I know the tendency that Kitten has, I stated plainly that it was so they would not feel obligated to forgo anything because of me and that I wasn't being mean or anything. I went out of my way to insure I wasn't misunderstood.

But that the hell do you think happened? Kitten took it wrong. I was mainly making sure the two guys didn't back out of something she was looking forward to because we all couldn't go. But she decided I was what? Finding a way out of doing something she wanted to do? What? She would only snap at Gator when he called her and refused to tell him why. Something he finds very frustrating and more than irritating. If she has a problem with something he wants her to tell him what it is. Not just allude to it or be pissy about it. She does the same with all of us. I am not the only one tired of her attitude. I am just the last one to get that way.

Truth, is...Kitten is the one that limits our time all together more so that Gator's shift work. We have learned to schedule around that. Kitten choses to get 2nd jobs no matter that both men have asked her not to. And her hours for the 2nd jobs never coincide with the hours Gator has off with his primary job. We used to get to see each other on the weekends even if Gator was working. They could come down here and stay and spend time with him once he got off. She works three weekends a month. Only trying to schedule the one weekend a month off that is the only one Gator has completely off. This severely limits quad time and even dyad time for the secondary relationships. Tech will not come stay at our home on a weekend she can not come. I understand why he does that. I get a bit frustrated because he has asked her, as has Gator, not to take these jobs. It is difficult enough for us all to see each other.

Knowing that we have problems fitting time in, I did not want to ruin any time that the three of them could spend together that I couldn't. But she obviously can not see that. She assumes something directed at her all the time. That any ones behavior is directly related to her. And never in a good way. We are all out to get her. We all can never let her be right. Same shit just a different day.

I'm so very tired of it all. It makes me just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up on the whole relationship. Which isn't fair to the rest of us.

We had plans to eat out with them Friday night and while talking with her today, she told me where she would like to go. It is not a favorite place of mine and Gator's at all but I'm sure we can find something on the menu we can eat. Going somewhere she suggests was more important to her than me really liking the place. She thinks we don't ever want to do something she suggests. Not true but related to her whole attitude about things. I told Gator she wanted to go there and to not tell her no. It was important and we could more than tolerate the place. He was trying to talk to her about it when she snapped and said she didn't know if we were all still going to meet. That Gator would have to ask Tech and I. WTF? It was never mentioned not going. The two dates I was talking about were the 10th and the 31st of October. She just got her panties in a wad and was trying to stir up trouble. I don't know if she has totally pissed Gator off enough that he'll refuse to go now or not But, I have shared with all of them that I probably will not go. I have had a rough week and it will not be getting better. It is fiscal year end at work, something I have explained many times to all three of them in the past few weeks. I just don't have it in me to smooth Kitten's feelings. Especially over something that she has chosen to make a big deal out of and is clear I didn't mean anything bad by.

I will not try to mollify her as I have in the past over something that is clearly not my fault. And Gator got extremely put out with me this evening when he thought I was doing that. He says I let her influence and control my behavior way to much. And he is right. I don't as much as I used to everyone will admit. I am not the doormat that I was. I am more true to my personalilty these days. And it makes me not even want to be the giving person that I was trying to be when I sent the messages. Why should a person make the effort to be nice and giving when it is only going to be taken and twisted to suit another's personality flaws?

Ok., I guess that is enough of a rant.

Family Episode 19 “Medical Rations”

http://www.nwlive.tv/blog/family

Shared via AddThis

His Heart Is Broken

My youngest moved in with his girlfriend a month and a half ago. Since then, things have completely turned around in their relationship.
I'm his mom but that doesn't mean I do not know his faults. However, from what I can tell, and I've been called by both of them on this matter, it doesn't seem his behavior has changed. Her's has. I think it is a big case of getting out on her own, starting college and thinking she wants something different. She claims she wants to be a kid again. Well, moving out on your own is a sure fire way for that luxury to end. Granted, her family is mostly paying her half of the bills for her. The ones she was to be responsible for halving with our son, she has left up to him to pay.
I have no problem with realizing you can not live with someone and needing to end the relationship. However, I have a problem if you chose to be cruel in doing so.
He is having such a difficult time dealing with this. He can not understand how she could love him enough to move in with him such a short while ago and now to have no feelings for him at all. I think he is having such a hard time handling this because of the drastic change in her behavior. That she is being cruel when that was never her way before.
I would absolutely love to be able to lessen this pain for him. Or at least to make it shorter in duration. But that is the spare your child part of the mother in me. The realistic part of the mother in me knows that he will have to face this at least once in his life and it is a learning tool. That part of me knows that sparing him now will not help him in the long haul.
I can not convince him, however, that I do know what it is like to have a broken heart. Apparently, that is something neither his dad or I could have possibly have lived through. (Yeah, you hear the sarcasm.) I don't try to sugar coat it for him. He has asked my opinion on whether I think she'll come around and want to make things work out with him. I do not. From her behavior, I think she means this to be permanent. So, I tell him that when he asks me. False hopes are not something he needs and not something I can give him. No matter how much I'm aware he would like to hear that from me.
The thing I regret is, not really having better advice. Well, my advice isn't bad. I just wish I could explain it in a way that he could actually wrap his head around. You'd think that I have enough relationship experience to help him. But it is my relationship experience that knows this will take time. That his pain will not be over tomorrow or even next week. It could be there for a long while considering how deep his feelings for her are. But I know, as most of you do, that each day the time he can go without feeling like he isn't going to make it will be less and less. The five minutes he can go today without thinking of it will turn into ten and then fifteen and then thirty and so on and so on.
It is painful to me to watch him go through this. It is painful to watch your child hurt in any way. Being a parent sucks at times. And he won't realize that not only do I know how he is feeling now, that I have actually been through this myself, but that it hurts to watch your child go through pain unless and until he has children of his own and goes through something like this with them. And the mother in my would spare him that as well if I could.